Bollywood Remixes

ORIGINAL:
Tumse milne ki tamanna hai............pyar ka eerada hai............
aur ek vaada hai............J..a....a..n..a...m........
REMIX:
Tumko marne ki tamanna hai......dushmani ka eerada hai..........
aur ek vaada hai..............Z.....a...a...l...i...m.........



ORIGINAL:
Tum paas ayae............. yun muskuraye................
tum ne na jaane kya......... sapne dikhaye............
ab to mera dil jaage na soota hai.............kya karun hai......
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai................
REMIX:
Machar paas ayae............yun bhin bhinayae..............
machar ne na jaane kyon .........sapne churaye............
ab to raat bhar so nahin paata hun............kya karun hai....
Machar Bhin Bhinate Hain...........

ORIGINAL:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Jaadugar.............
mera dil tha akela ............tune khel aisa khela .............
tere yaad mein jaagu raat bhar.....r..r..r..r.......
REMIX:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Dhokebar.............
tune dil mera tooda ............maine Fevicol se jooda .............
tere yaad mein mare Machaar.....r..r..r..r.......

ORIGINAL:
Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon........mera dil dewana bole
ole......ole ole......ole...ole...ole.........
gaon tarana yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
Ole.....Ole .....Ole...................Ole....Ole.....Ole........
REMIX:
Jab bhi koi Party deekhon........mera bhooka paet bole
chole......chole...chole......chole...chole...chole.........
khao bhar paet yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
chOle.....chOle .....chOle...................chOle....chOle.....chOle........

Bollywood Movies made by IT Engineers

Some Film titles may be like these : --
** Munna Bhi MCSA
** Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
** Love in mIRC
** Tere Nick
** ID Mil Gaya
** Chat To Kero
** Ek Programmer Thi
** Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
** Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
** Network Ke Us Paar
** Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
** Aao Chat Kare
** C Wale Job Le Jayenge
** Programmer No.1
** Mera Naam Developer
** Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
** Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
** Tera Code Chal Gaya
** Har Din Jo Mail Karega
** Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
** Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
** Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
** Client Ek Numbari, C Programmer Dus Numbari
** Login Karo Sajana
** Naukar PC Ka
** 1942 -- A Bug Story
** Kaho Na Virus Hai
** Crash Se Crash Tak
** Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
** Shaheed Hacker Singh
** Password De Ke Dekho
** Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
** Mr. Network Lal
** Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
** Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
** Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
** Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
** Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!

Bollywood Movies for IT Professionals

Movies and their meaning to IT Professionals


Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.
Sapnay : Green card.
Sadma : Rejected H-1(B) Visa.
Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400pm.
Rakhwala : Project Manager.
Mr. Bechara : Computer professional in Singapore.
Zanjeer : Company bond.
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.
Tohfa : H-4 Visa for your Wife.
Mawaali : Before coming to US.
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US.
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer.
Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam : Client, your company and you.
Shehanshah : Bill Gates.
Admi Sadak Ka : Jumping from company to company.
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Anari : Year2000 programmer.
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM.
Aaj Ka Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market.
Maharaja : Doctors who came to US in 70's
Hairaan : Non-Computer professionals on seeing computer professional's pay-check.
Hum Aapke Hain Koun : Illegal Immigrants in US
Aur Pyar Ho Gaya : After staying in US for a Year.
Pardes : India after 2 Years.
Daud : Coming to US.
Rangeela : After getting Green Card.
Bahaar Aane Tak : Time period between Green Card and Citizenship.
Desh Premee : Going back to India for good
Farz : Going to India every year.
Pyaasa : Longing for a Visa.
Agneepath : Going to Madras Consulate for getting a Visa.
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : After coming from consulate with a Visa.
Bud Naseeb : Not getting a Visa
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k from India
Elan-E-Jung : Asking for increment
Gupt : Agreement of Programmer with number of consultants
. Zakmee : After getting rejected twice for a Visa.
Swarg Se Sundar : on landing in US.
Ab Kya Hoga? : Applied for Green Card too late.
Jallad : INS People.
Kranti : Increase H-1 quota.
Main Khiladi Tu Anari : You and Immigration Officer

Bollywood Movie Formulas

Rules for making INDIAN Movies

-----------------------------------------------

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will

- die

- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never

- miss

- run out of bullets.

When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule).

7. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of

- pots

- barrels

- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

8. Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by

- the brothers

- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in theclimax)

- the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

9. Police inspectors (when not played by the bhero) come in three categories:

- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.

- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.

- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Bollywood Bloopers

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam:
1) Amitabh is using the Nokia communicator in 1992 whereas Nokia itself launched it from 1998 onwards. May be he is a secret test dummy for Nokia!
2) Amitabh singing "aye kya bolti tu" in Diwali of 1992 whereas the song was released in 1997 in the movie Ghulam. Guess he has esp.
3) But The Mother Of All Flaws In The Movie K3G is when Hrithik is kid he has 10 fingers...when he grows up he has Eleven
4) Last ball of the cricket match. 1 ball and 6 runs needed. Guess what, the ball is shining and unused !!
5) The fatso Laddu turns into Hrithik 10 years later, however Shahrukh, Kajol, Dadi, Nani and Johny Lever are the same after 10 years!!
Q: What will a drunkard say after seeing the movie? A: Kabhi Whiskey Kabhie Rum


Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?

Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!

Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a autofill!

Guddu
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land down on the Glider. What a switch above sea level!


Jung
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim. However in the three photos, she's wearing three different dresses. So I guess it must be a fashion show cum rape going on!!

Tere Mere Sapne
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she is carrying her electrical technology thesis by B.L.Theraja. What an electrifying interest.

Bollywood and Software

*  DO loop
   Sau saal pehle, mujhe tumse pyaar tha Aaj bhi hai, aur kal
   bhi rahega

*  IF THEN ELSE
   Tum agar mujhko na chaaho to koi baat nahin Magar kisi aur
   ko chaahogi to mushkil hogi.

*  RETURN statement
   aa laut ke aaja mere meet tujhe mere geet bulaate hain

*  Procedure call
   aaja re ab mera dil pukaara

*  malloc()
   Yaad kiya dilne kahan ho tum?

*  exit(), suspend
   Ruk jaa o jaane waali ruk jaa

*  for(;;), the infinite loop
   hum tum, yug yug se ye geet milan ke gaate rahe hain,
   gaate rahenge hum tum...

*  [remote login:]
   tumse kuchh kehna hai, gar tum kuch kehne do

*  [ network busy ]
   suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kucha huwa kya? abhee to nahin...

*  Two Recursive functions calling each other
   muze kuch kahana hein, muze bhee kuch kahena hein pahle
   tum,  pahle tum.....

*  extern variable
   hum hein rahee pyaar ke, humse kucha bhee na boliye jo bhee
   pyar se mila hum usike ho liye

*  static/local variable
   Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan    

*  SUBROUTINE
   Akela hoon mai, es duniya mein, na koi sathee hai......

*  Mental state after a CLEAN COMPILE
   Ek punjaban dil churake le gayee, hai...... sona sona ...... dil mera
   sona.....

*  Completion of DESIGN SPECIFICATION
   Chanda se hoga woh pyara, phoolon se hoga woh nyara, nachega aangan mei
   chamcham, nanha sa munna hamara.....

*  FILE NOT FOUND
   Na tum hame jano, na hum tumhe jane, magar lagta hai kutch aisa......

*  Global application
   Mera juuta hai japanee, yeh patloon enlishtani, sar pe lal topy roosi phir
   bhi dil hai hindustani......

Bollywood and Bill Clinton

Clinton arrives in Mumbai and he gets so impressed by Bollywood. He wants to be in Hindi movies and he starts dreaming..


Bill was in the Oval office and he started singing "Yeh Bill Na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara.."


At that moment, Lewinsky, who was passing by, heard it and responded "Bill, Dhak dhak karne laga, mora jiyorra darne laga", And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed and opened the door and realized he is the President of the USA.


So he paused and looked at her like Ajay Devgan from PTHHT. But Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song, and said, "Dil-Bill, Pyar Wyar, Main kya janoo re"


He gazed into her eyes like Bobby Deol in Kareeb and sang "Chori Chori jab nazzare mili, chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"


Then he pulled her into his office and thought of Aamir Khan in Ghulam -"Aankhon se tune ye kya keh diya, Bill ye diwana machalne laga.." Monica picked up the cue and replied like Rani Mukherjee - "yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha..."


Bill then closed the door with a mischievious smile and sang "Hum tum ek kamre mein band hon aur chaabi kho jaaye..." The rest is history. The poor security guards outside could only hear the full throated song from Dil Se, "Bill se, Bill se Bill se, Bill to aakhir bill hain na..."
Monica met her best friend Linda Tripp and confessed about her affair - "Mera Bill bhi kitna pagal hai, pyar jo mujhse karta hai.."

Tripp recorded Monica's confessions and went to legal eagle Kenneth Starr with her cassette and screamed "Le gayee Bill, Lewinsky..paagal mujhe kar diya". Starr called Clinton and asked "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua kab hua..." But Bill cleverly interrupted and said "Oh chhodo, ye na poocho.." But Starr persisted and sang "Jhoot bole kowaa kaate.."
Now Bill was very angry with Monica and called her up.
Bill: Aye, kya bolti tu?
Monica: Aye, Kya main boloon..?
Bill: Sun
Monica: Suna
Bill: Kyon kiya ghotala?
Monica: Kya karoon, ho gayi thi kantala


Finally Clinton decided to tell Starr all, "Bill kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaye..."., to which Starr had a ready reply, "Aye Bill hai mushkil jeena yahan, jara bach ke, jara hat ke, yeh hai White House meri Jaan!"
Cut...Cut...Cut...!!

Bill Gates and Madhuri Dixit

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:

* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
  Ooo Windows mein  Bill hai mera...
* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai - IT Style

If Guru Dutt had been a software consultant in the US.
(The following should be sung to the tune of an old Hindi classic song sung by late Mohammed Rafi. "Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")
YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS, YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA
YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYA
YEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA
YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTI
YEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI
YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI
YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASI
EXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI
YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KI
YEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITOR
MERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM
TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER
YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

Amitabh's Answering Machine

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c mein msg de dena.

Aati Kya Khandala

Hindi:

He : Aye kya bolti tu?
She: Aye kya main bolun?
He : Sun
She: Suna
He : Aati kya Khandala?
She: Kya karun aakey main khandala?
He : Ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gayenge. aaish karenge aur kya?

Kashmiri:

H: heey, kya chaakh wannan;
S: heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy;
H: booz;
S: wanoo;
H: pakha telle khandala;
S: kya karee weeteth bhe khandala;
H: pherevhey,nachevhey,geevevhey,khevevhey,eesh karav,beyy kya??

Bengali:

H: ei ki bolis tui;
S: ei ki ar boli;
H: son;
S: sona;
H: jabi ki khandala??
S: ki kori giye khandala;
H: are, ghurbo phirbo nachbo gaibo maja korbo ar ki;

Marathi:

H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;
S: aye kay me mhanhu?
H: aik;
S: aikav;
H: yetes ka khandala?;
S: kay karu yevon me khandala?;
H: bhatkuya, phiruya, gavuya, nachuya, aish karuya. aankhen kay?

Telugu:

H: Aye,yemantaavu?
S: Aye, Yem cheppaali?
H: Vinu,
S: Cheppu;
H: Vastaava Khandala??
S: Yem Cheddam velli manam Khandala?
H: Thirugudaam, Aadudhaam, Paadudaam, Ganthulu Yeddaam Inkemi?

Punjabi:

H: a ke boldi tu;
S: a ke mein bolan;
H: sunh;
S: sunha;
H: aande aein khandala;
S: ke karain ae ke mein khandala;

Kannada:

H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?
S: Aye, Naanu Yenu Anali?
H: Kelu,
S: Helu;
H: Barteeya Khandala?
S: Yenu Maadali Naa bandu Khandala?
H: Thirugona, Kuniyona, Hadona, Aadona, Majaa Madona... Innenu?

Sindhi:

H: Aye cha ti chaven?
S: aye cha maan chavan?
H: budh;
S: buhay;
H: achiti cha khandala?
S: cha kayan achi maan khandala?
H: ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, aaish kandasi, byo cha?

Gujarati:

H: Aye su bole tu?
S: aye hun su bolu?
H: sambhad;
S: sambhdav
H: aavechey ke khandala?
S: su karu aavene khandala?
H: ghumsu, pharsu, khavsu,peevsu, aaish karsu. beeju su?

Magahi (BIHARI):

H: A ki bolahin too,
S: A kya boliyuow hum,
H: Sun
S: sunaow
H: Aaimahi ki khandala;
S: Ki kariaow aake hum khandala;
H: Gumbai Phirbai aish karbai aur ki,

English:

H: Aye what do you say?
S: Aye what should I say?
H: Listen.
S: Tell.
H: Coming kya khandala?
S: What do I do coming to khandala?
H: We'll roam, we'll sing we'll dance we'll do aish. what else?

Headache

A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:

Saala pura body headache maar raha hai.

Bihari Goes To The Movie

A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena,

The person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

A Bihari Buys Cigarette

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:
Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said

"Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

Two Biharis talking to each other

Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin dekhte hain.

Independence Day Speech

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.

He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech :

Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.

Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it.

Today we all have our birth-rate.You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind.

Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.

They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease.

Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools.

Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine.

If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly.

My God blast you!

Thank you and thank God!

Bihar Engineering College Entrance Exam Instructions

1) Read each question carefully
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Bill Clinton.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY.

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic.

5. Metric conversion: how many feet are in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners

9. Give the spellings of Bush, Carter and Clinton.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from? (a) Earth (b) Moon (c) Sun (d) Sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) Yes (b) No

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the American National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium OR spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three-storey building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most Florida oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

Why are residents of Jharkhand happy?

Why are residents of Jharkhand happy?
Because, from now onwards they won't be called Biharis...

There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets

There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets

When the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.

This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,

so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,

so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.

The Golf Trip Paul and his buddies were hanging out

Paul and his buddies were hanging out and planning a 5-day golf trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because his wife wouldn't let him. 


After a lot of teasing and name calling, Paul headed home totally frustrated.


The following week when Paul's buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Paul sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer, holding his putter.


"How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Paul?"


"I didn't have to," Paul replied. "Last I night I slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, my wife sneaked up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise.' When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'... so here I am.

Laloo sent his BioData to apply for a post in Microsoft

Laloo sent his BioData to apply for a post in Microsoft, USA. Few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement -humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat naheeNo phone call -phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained -bahut khaatir kee jayegiThanks -aapkaa bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates -Tohar Bilva

A Bihari was working in Mumbai and he did not meet this wife

A Bihari was working in Mumbai and he did not meet this wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar ).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had
delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this “Happy event” happened when he had not seen his wife for four years…

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, “What name will you give to the son?”

The man explained, “If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be “DWIVEDI”;

If it is the third neighbour then it would be “TRIVEDI”,

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be “CHATURVEDI”;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be “PANDEY”…

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
“Then the boy would be named “MISHRA”…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be “SHARMA”…

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be “GUPTA”…

If she does not remember the name then?
“It is YAAD-AV”

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named “DOSHI”…

Finally, if the child happened because of wife’s burning desire?
Then he will be named “JOSHI”…

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?
“DESHPANDEY.”

Laloo the matchmaker

Laloo the matchmaker
Laloo talks to his son, "I want you to marry a girl of my
choice ". Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani’s daughter." Son : "Well,
in that case..."
Next Laloo approaches Ambani , "I have a husband for your
daughter." Ambani: "But my daughter is too young to
marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice president of the
World Bank."

Ambani: "Ah, in that case..." Finally Laloo goes to see
the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice
president."
President : "But I already have more vice presidents than I
need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani’s son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case..."

Bush, Manmohan, Sonia and Aishwarya in train

Bush, Manmohan, Sonia and Aishwarya in train
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train
comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting
there looking perplexed.

Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an
apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says
anything.

Sonia is thinking: These Americans are all crazy after
Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.
Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but
kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss
Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.


Manmohan is thinking: If this train goes through another
tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush
again.

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai.
He's stopped in traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic
seems worse than usual we're not even moving."

He notices a police officer walking down thehighway in
between the cars and he rolls down his window and
says,"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all
depressed. She's lying down in the middle of the highway
and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and
light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores
for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection
for her".

If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister

Top Ten list ...If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime
Minister....

10.There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India
and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!

9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and

it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!

8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and
Pasta.

7. India's National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.

6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and
will be replaced by Jayalalitha!

5. National vegetable-Zucchini

4. There will be Pope John Paul's 'yearly' visit - twice

every year!!

3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to
"Michaelangelo's
Confetti house"!!

2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!

And ...the number one thing that will happen if Sonia
Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....

1.All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions
because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani,
Multani, Vaswani
......resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc.....*Kulkarni

also have a fair chance*...)

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheri

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and
Cacheris, Ms.
Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges
by offering a
full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to
the
investigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for
details concerning
an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although
the
independent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to
her testimony,
beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to
catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom
onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a
condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little
Johnny asked curiously 'What ya doin dad?'

His father quickly replied, 'I thought I saw a rat go
underneath the bed.'

To which Little Johnny replied 'What ya gonna do, screw
him?'

She was very attracted to him and during her questions

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.

She was very attracted to him and during her questions about
his life she asked him what he did for sex.

'What's that?' he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said 'Oh, I use a
hole in the trunk of a tree.'

'Tarzan, you have it all wrong,' she says horrified, 'but
I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread
her legs wide.

'Here,' she said, 'You must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave
her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Just checking for bees,' said Tarzan.

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home
after being out together, and when they reach the front door
he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her,
"Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I
promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on,
sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you
like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I
promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in
her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her
eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or
I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your
boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the
rest of the family can get some sleep.'"

When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over
the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you
only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years
you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in
the divorce court in front of many people for every penny
you've got.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away
Santa Singh went straight round to visit his grandmother.
When he asked how his grandpa had died, his granny explained
'He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning'

Horrified Santa suggested that shagging at the age of 94 was
surely asking for trouble.

'Oh no' granny replied, 'We had sex every Sunday morning,
in time with the local church bells, in with the dings and
out with the dongs.'

She paused, and wiped away a tear. 'If it wasn't for that
damn fire engine going past, he'd still be alive!'

The local paper in Delhi carries an advert for a job opening

The local paper in Delhi carries an advert for a job opening
for a male for the post of 'ladies pubic hair shaver'.

Santa Singh rings up the number shown, and the man answers
the phone asks him some questions.

'First things first,' he says. 'Are you single?'

'Oh yes,' says the applicant.

'That's good,' says the man, 'we've had a lot of
trouble in the past with people who are married. Their wives
get annoyed. Now, secondly, do you have a current ten-year
passport?'

'Yes,' says the young applicant.

'Brilliant,' says the man. 'Often we find that people
have a problem with travelling all over the globe for
shaving young models who travel to different countries.

'Oh no, not me,' says Santa. 'I love to travel.'

'Great,' says the man. 'And what about supermodels? Do
you think you'd have a problem getting close to beautiful
women like Aishwarya, Sushmita? Apart from shaving them, you
might even have to party with them and keep them company.
How would you deal with that?'

'I'd be fine,' says the applicant.

'I love talking to women and I don't think I'd be
intimidated.'

'Excellent,' says the man. 'Now, what about the shaving
of the most private parts of a woman? Would you get
flustered peeling bikini bottoms off beautiful women,
foaming them up and shaving their pubic regions? This sort
of intimacy can sometimes make a man nervous.'

'No way,' says Santa Singh. 'I have no problem with
nudity or intimacy with gorgeous women. I'd be both
discreet and charming.'

'Well,' says the man, 'you sound as if you could be just
right for the job. I'll send you a rail-ticket for
Kanyakumari.'

'Is that where my first job is?' asks Santa very excited.

'Oh no,' says the man. 'That's where the queue for the
interviews starts!'

A woman starts dating a doctor

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes
pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months
later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a
priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland
infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest,
I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the
baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says,
"Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a
miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must
tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and
says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest
replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get
an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered

A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered
and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies.
"What's wrong with you?" The barman says.
"In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy
her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies.
"We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to
the car park.
He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there
is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch
in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to
the policeman.
"It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he
says.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife"
replies the cop.
The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your
torch!"

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear,
Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they
go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s
how you get a baby, honey.'

The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room
you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when
you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top

Santa Singh is sitting on a rather empty train across from a
good looking girl wearing a tight mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top
of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone
without underwear.

The girl realises he is staring and asks, 'Are you looking
at my pussy?'

'Yes, I'm sorry,' says Santa and promises to avert his
eyes.

'It's quite alright,' replies the woman, 'It's very
talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you.'

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Santa, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the
wonder pussy can do.

'I can also make it wink,' says the woman. Santa stares in
amazement as the pussy winks at him.

'Come and sit next to me,' suggests the woman, patting the
seat. Santa moves over.

The woman is now visibly horny and asks Santa, 'Would you
like to push a couple of your fingers in?'

Stunned, Santa replies, 'What! Can it whistle, too?'

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is
asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be
present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no
boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you
before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck,
with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job
in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really
none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you
these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the
baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I
desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy
also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really
none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby
has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up
and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I
really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and
presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give
baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the
mother exclaims,
"Well thank fuck for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this
horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to
bark!"

A worried father confronted his daughter one night

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. 'I
don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and
bloody stupid!'

'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied, 'He's ever so
clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's
cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.'

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obviou

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that
his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter.
She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and
I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet
he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually
a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. She
seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to
work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump
with him again. asing her what the matter was now, she
replied "Your horse phoned."

It was rush hour and the bus was packed

It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly
cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir,
if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to
the cops!'

'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's
just my pay check in my pocket.'

'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job,
because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half
hour!'

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices
for the First time, her father's nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she
doesn't have. She asks, 'What are those round things
hanging there, daddy?'

Proudly, he replies, 'Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples
of Life.

Without them we wouldn't be here.'

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy
has said.

To which mommy asks, 'Did he say anything about the dead
branch they're hanging from?'

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley
Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after
purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop
tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks
like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up
on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the
first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that
whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots."
The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a
complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner
not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the
situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is
not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there
is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum
over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word
from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the
kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he
reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts,
"Okay! Okay! I'll do the fucking pots!"

Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office

Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash
party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly
unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs,
where his wife put some breakfast in front of him.

'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night.
Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made
a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising
the entire board of directors and you insulted the president
of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh.

'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'

Three men go on holiday abroad together

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office
informs them that there is only one hotel in town with
vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by
reception that there is just one available room left in the
hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option,
they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the
morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."

Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash dirty

Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere.

She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a
stretcher almost unconcious.

Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Jaswinder: Ok.

Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?

Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!

Ik Sardar apne friend kol manja mangan gaya

Ik Sardar apne friend kol manja mangan gaya.
Friend: Sade kol do hi mnje ne. Ik te mein te mera bapu
sonde haan te dooje te meri vohti te maa.
Sardar: Oye Ullu ! Manja nahi dena te na deo par soya te
tareeke naal karo.

Ik Punjabi ne bihari se pucha

Ik Punjabi ne bihari se pucha: Ladki patana mehnat ka kaam
hai ya maze ka.
Bihari: Maze ka, kyunki agar mehnat ka hota to yeh bhi aap
ham se karvate.

Kal sada kutta khu vich gir gaya te

Santa: Kal sada kutta khu vich gir gaya te jor jor di
chhekan maran lag pya.

Banta: Hun oh kiven hai?

Santa: Theek hi houga, ajj khu vichon koi cheek nahi sunai
diti.

Santa Sydney di ik beach te leta hoya c

Santa Sydney di ik beach te leta hoya c. Suddenly a man
comes and asked: Are u relaxing.

Santa: No I am Santa. 2-3 more men asked him the same
question.

Irritated Santa got up&started walking. He saw a man lying
on a chair. Santa ask him are u relaxing? He said: yes.
Santa slapped him&said: tu ithe baitha hai te loki tainu
uthe labh rahe ne.

Santa America vich 3-4 mema naal bus te chadan lagda hai

Santa America vich 3-4 mema naal bus te chadan lagda hai.
Pehle mema chad gayian. Jado Santa di vari aayi, conductor
kehnda "no more, no more"

Santa: Oye mornia chadai jana a te sadi vari kehnda no more
no more.

Santa Banta di fighting ho rahi si

Santa Banta di fighting ho rahi si.

Santa: Tere dimag vich gobar bharya hoya hai.

Banta: Tahi te tu 2 ghante to chatti ja reha hain.

Sardar conductor joke

Sardar Conductor: Kithe jana a.

Bhaiya: Anandpur

Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke kehnda: Anandpur
Sahib nahi keha janda.

Sardar Conductor to second bhaiya: Tu kithe jana a?

Bhaiya darda darda bolya: Ji main Ropar Sahib jana a.

Sardar Conductor bhaiye nu chaper marke: na othe tere peo ne
shahidi payi c?

Funny punjabi jokes

Ik var ik amli radio theek karvan gaya.

Mechanic: Radio te theek hai bhai tera. Bas jara mausam
kharab hon karke nahi chalda pya.

Amli: Aa pakad 100 rupaiye, mausam nava pa de.

STD operator nu 2 thapar lagaye

Santa ik STD te gaya. STD operator nu 2 thapar lagaye te
phone karan lagga.

Poooocho kiyuuunnn?

Kiyunki STD te likhya c Fone karan to pehle 2 lagao
(Add digit 2 before dialing)

I love u sohniye

Punjabi Boy: I love u sohniye.

Punjabi Girl: Tere vich ki khaas a k main tainu pyar kara.

Punjabi Boy: Veer tera university da topper a.

Tu sohni tera na sohni

 Tu sohni tera na sohni,
par tu sohni ban ke na dikha saki,
sohni ta kache ghadde te v tarr ke aa gi C
Te tu Three Wheeler te vi na aa saki!!!

Love sms Je Saadi Nahin c Tu ho Sakna ,
 Kaahnu Pyaar Enna Fer Payeya c
Je Inj hi Rulaana c Varne ,
 Kahano Saanu Fer Tu hasaya c

Love sms Kudiya wich koi Sassi Labda, Koi Labda Heer,
Assi ta yaaro Sahiba Labni te kutne ohde Veer!!!

Love sms Padna-likhna chad pare,
Nakal te rakh aas,
chak Rajai te So jaa bhagta,
Rabb karuga paas!!!

Love sms Ni tu challi gayi England,
baja ke yaara da Band,
tu ki socheya ki yaar tera tabaah ho gaya,
India aa ke dekh yaara da vyaah ho gaya!!!

World's shortest and funniest joke

"ek ganja sardar" :)

INTERNET SE DOWNLOAD

Wife to Husband: Tumhe Pyar Karna Nahi Aata.
Husband: To Kya Ye Bachhe Internet Se Download Kiye Hain???
Wife: Nahi Eh Tan Singh Sahab De Pen Drive To Litte Ne.

W – MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET

Sir: Which is the most dangerous alphabet?
Sharma: Ji, ‘W’.

Becouse all “Worries” start from W.
Top Examples:
Who.
What.
Why.
When
Whom.
Where.
War.
Wine.
Whisky.
Woman.

And finally…
Wife (Worries Invited For Ever.)

RABB NE TIWI NU

Rabb ne tiwi nu sunder banaya
Khoobsurat dimaag vi diya
Hirni jehi aakhan deyi
Gulab jehe honth
Pyar bharya dil ditta
Te fer Jubaan deke sab te pani fer ditta…

Kangana desires Anna Hazare!

Kangana Ranaut, who's recently been snubbed by Paris Hilton says Anna Hazare is the most desirable person!

The secret behind Gambhir's marriage

  

Gautam Gambhir, who's been frequently on the injury list, stumped his female followers by announcing his marriage suddenly!

Kissing is like action scenes: Ranbir

Ranbir Kapoor says he feels awkward in onscreen kissing scenes and they are more like action scenes!