Bollywood Remixes

ORIGINAL:
Tumse milne ki tamanna hai............pyar ka eerada hai............
aur ek vaada hai............J..a....a..n..a...m........
REMIX:
Tumko marne ki tamanna hai......dushmani ka eerada hai..........
aur ek vaada hai..............Z.....a...a...l...i...m.........



ORIGINAL:
Tum paas ayae............. yun muskuraye................
tum ne na jaane kya......... sapne dikhaye............
ab to mera dil jaage na soota hai.............kya karun hai......
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai................
REMIX:
Machar paas ayae............yun bhin bhinayae..............
machar ne na jaane kyon .........sapne churaye............
ab to raat bhar so nahin paata hun............kya karun hai....
Machar Bhin Bhinate Hain...........

ORIGINAL:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Jaadugar.............
mera dil tha akela ............tune khel aisa khela .............
tere yaad mein jaagu raat bhar.....r..r..r..r.......
REMIX:
Bazigar O.... bazigar.......tu hai bada Dhokebar.............
tune dil mera tooda ............maine Fevicol se jooda .............
tere yaad mein mare Machaar.....r..r..r..r.......

ORIGINAL:
Jab bhi koi ladki dekhon........mera dil dewana bole
ole......ole ole......ole...ole...ole.........
gaon tarana yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
Ole.....Ole .....Ole...................Ole....Ole.....Ole........
REMIX:
Jab bhi koi Party deekhon........mera bhooka paet bole
chole......chole...chole......chole...chole...chole.........
khao bhar paet yaara jhoom jhoom ke hoole hoole.............
chOle.....chOle .....chOle...................chOle....chOle.....chOle........

Bollywood Movies made by IT Engineers

Some Film titles may be like these : --
** Munna Bhi MCSA
** Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
** Love in mIRC
** Tere Nick
** ID Mil Gaya
** Chat To Kero
** Ek Programmer Thi
** Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
** Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
** Network Ke Us Paar
** Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
** Aao Chat Kare
** C Wale Job Le Jayenge
** Programmer No.1
** Mera Naam Developer
** Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
** Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
** Tera Code Chal Gaya
** Har Din Jo Mail Karega
** Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
** Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
** Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
** Client Ek Numbari, C Programmer Dus Numbari
** Login Karo Sajana
** Naukar PC Ka
** 1942 -- A Bug Story
** Kaho Na Virus Hai
** Crash Se Crash Tak
** Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
** Shaheed Hacker Singh
** Password De Ke Dekho
** Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
** Mr. Network Lal
** Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
** Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
** Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
** Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
** Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!

Bollywood Movies for IT Professionals

Movies and their meaning to IT Professionals


Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.
Sapnay : Green card.
Sadma : Rejected H-1(B) Visa.
Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400pm.
Rakhwala : Project Manager.
Mr. Bechara : Computer professional in Singapore.
Zanjeer : Company bond.
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.
Tohfa : H-4 Visa for your Wife.
Mawaali : Before coming to US.
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US.
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer.
Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam : Client, your company and you.
Shehanshah : Bill Gates.
Admi Sadak Ka : Jumping from company to company.
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Anari : Year2000 programmer.
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM.
Aaj Ka Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market.
Maharaja : Doctors who came to US in 70's
Hairaan : Non-Computer professionals on seeing computer professional's pay-check.
Hum Aapke Hain Koun : Illegal Immigrants in US
Aur Pyar Ho Gaya : After staying in US for a Year.
Pardes : India after 2 Years.
Daud : Coming to US.
Rangeela : After getting Green Card.
Bahaar Aane Tak : Time period between Green Card and Citizenship.
Desh Premee : Going back to India for good
Farz : Going to India every year.
Pyaasa : Longing for a Visa.
Agneepath : Going to Madras Consulate for getting a Visa.
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : After coming from consulate with a Visa.
Bud Naseeb : Not getting a Visa
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k from India
Elan-E-Jung : Asking for increment
Gupt : Agreement of Programmer with number of consultants
. Zakmee : After getting rejected twice for a Visa.
Swarg Se Sundar : on landing in US.
Ab Kya Hoga? : Applied for Green Card too late.
Jallad : INS People.
Kranti : Increase H-1 quota.
Main Khiladi Tu Anari : You and Immigration Officer

Bollywood Movie Formulas

Rules for making INDIAN Movies

-----------------------------------------------

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will

- die

- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never

- miss

- run out of bullets.

When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule).

7. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of

- pots

- barrels

- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

8. Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by

- the brothers

- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in theclimax)

- the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

9. Police inspectors (when not played by the bhero) come in three categories:

- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.

- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.

- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Bollywood Bloopers

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam:
1) Amitabh is using the Nokia communicator in 1992 whereas Nokia itself launched it from 1998 onwards. May be he is a secret test dummy for Nokia!
2) Amitabh singing "aye kya bolti tu" in Diwali of 1992 whereas the song was released in 1997 in the movie Ghulam. Guess he has esp.
3) But The Mother Of All Flaws In The Movie K3G is when Hrithik is kid he has 10 fingers...when he grows up he has Eleven
4) Last ball of the cricket match. 1 ball and 6 runs needed. Guess what, the ball is shining and unused !!
5) The fatso Laddu turns into Hrithik 10 years later, however Shahrukh, Kajol, Dadi, Nani and Johny Lever are the same after 10 years!!
Q: What will a drunkard say after seeing the movie? A: Kabhi Whiskey Kabhie Rum


Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?

Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!

Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a autofill!

Guddu
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land down on the Glider. What a switch above sea level!


Jung
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim. However in the three photos, she's wearing three different dresses. So I guess it must be a fashion show cum rape going on!!

Tere Mere Sapne
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she is carrying her electrical technology thesis by B.L.Theraja. What an electrifying interest.

Bollywood and Software

*  DO loop
   Sau saal pehle, mujhe tumse pyaar tha Aaj bhi hai, aur kal
   bhi rahega

*  IF THEN ELSE
   Tum agar mujhko na chaaho to koi baat nahin Magar kisi aur
   ko chaahogi to mushkil hogi.

*  RETURN statement
   aa laut ke aaja mere meet tujhe mere geet bulaate hain

*  Procedure call
   aaja re ab mera dil pukaara

*  malloc()
   Yaad kiya dilne kahan ho tum?

*  exit(), suspend
   Ruk jaa o jaane waali ruk jaa

*  for(;;), the infinite loop
   hum tum, yug yug se ye geet milan ke gaate rahe hain,
   gaate rahenge hum tum...

*  [remote login:]
   tumse kuchh kehna hai, gar tum kuch kehne do

*  [ network busy ]
   suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kucha huwa kya? abhee to nahin...

*  Two Recursive functions calling each other
   muze kuch kahana hein, muze bhee kuch kahena hein pahle
   tum,  pahle tum.....

*  extern variable
   hum hein rahee pyaar ke, humse kucha bhee na boliye jo bhee
   pyar se mila hum usike ho liye

*  static/local variable
   Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan    

*  SUBROUTINE
   Akela hoon mai, es duniya mein, na koi sathee hai......

*  Mental state after a CLEAN COMPILE
   Ek punjaban dil churake le gayee, hai...... sona sona ...... dil mera
   sona.....

*  Completion of DESIGN SPECIFICATION
   Chanda se hoga woh pyara, phoolon se hoga woh nyara, nachega aangan mei
   chamcham, nanha sa munna hamara.....

*  FILE NOT FOUND
   Na tum hame jano, na hum tumhe jane, magar lagta hai kutch aisa......

*  Global application
   Mera juuta hai japanee, yeh patloon enlishtani, sar pe lal topy roosi phir
   bhi dil hai hindustani......

Bollywood and Bill Clinton

Clinton arrives in Mumbai and he gets so impressed by Bollywood. He wants to be in Hindi movies and he starts dreaming..


Bill was in the Oval office and he started singing "Yeh Bill Na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara.."


At that moment, Lewinsky, who was passing by, heard it and responded "Bill, Dhak dhak karne laga, mora jiyorra darne laga", And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed and opened the door and realized he is the President of the USA.


So he paused and looked at her like Ajay Devgan from PTHHT. But Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song, and said, "Dil-Bill, Pyar Wyar, Main kya janoo re"


He gazed into her eyes like Bobby Deol in Kareeb and sang "Chori Chori jab nazzare mili, chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"


Then he pulled her into his office and thought of Aamir Khan in Ghulam -"Aankhon se tune ye kya keh diya, Bill ye diwana machalne laga.." Monica picked up the cue and replied like Rani Mukherjee - "yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha..."


Bill then closed the door with a mischievious smile and sang "Hum tum ek kamre mein band hon aur chaabi kho jaaye..." The rest is history. The poor security guards outside could only hear the full throated song from Dil Se, "Bill se, Bill se Bill se, Bill to aakhir bill hain na..."
Monica met her best friend Linda Tripp and confessed about her affair - "Mera Bill bhi kitna pagal hai, pyar jo mujhse karta hai.."

Tripp recorded Monica's confessions and went to legal eagle Kenneth Starr with her cassette and screamed "Le gayee Bill, Lewinsky..paagal mujhe kar diya". Starr called Clinton and asked "Yeh kya hua, kaise hua kab hua..." But Bill cleverly interrupted and said "Oh chhodo, ye na poocho.." But Starr persisted and sang "Jhoot bole kowaa kaate.."
Now Bill was very angry with Monica and called her up.
Bill: Aye, kya bolti tu?
Monica: Aye, Kya main boloon..?
Bill: Sun
Monica: Suna
Bill: Kyon kiya ghotala?
Monica: Kya karoon, ho gayi thi kantala


Finally Clinton decided to tell Starr all, "Bill kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaye..."., to which Starr had a ready reply, "Aye Bill hai mushkil jeena yahan, jara bach ke, jara hat ke, yeh hai White House meri Jaan!"
Cut...Cut...Cut...!!